too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
