No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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