this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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