You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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