Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
