i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
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She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
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We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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