all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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