Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
