How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
