you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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