I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
