I just made out with a guy for $7.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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