Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my sisters under your porch take her home
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
not ubering you a puppy
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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