you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
