So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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