like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
