How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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