i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
