life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
