I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
