I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
