Im at strip club and am horny
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
