This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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