I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?