Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She's the barista slut.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
