dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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