Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
