In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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