I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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