Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
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She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
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Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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