What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
