How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
