I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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