Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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