did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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