Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
