Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
