dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
