Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
