Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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