i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
