I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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