dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
