They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
