i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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