Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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