He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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