he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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