Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
