We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
