today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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