hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
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he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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