I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
