and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
