I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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