I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
