based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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