My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
