I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
