I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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