i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
