so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
