apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
