Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
