Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she pinky promised me she was 18
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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