So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
