i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
