I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
