So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
