Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
