I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
